I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
