We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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