I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
