Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
