So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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