Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
