Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
