what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
