clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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