So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think my moral compass just broke
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