Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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