But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
