I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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