You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
