I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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