I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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