when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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