Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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