did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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