I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
