broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
