Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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