that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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