Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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