You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
