Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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