So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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