it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
