I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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