Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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