Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sober January is a disaster.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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