dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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