Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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