Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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