You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
