youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
