im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He shit in the fireplace
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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