Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
