Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
