Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
