just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
