Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
