giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
