I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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