I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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