I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
