oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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