And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
