Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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