i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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