Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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