You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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