Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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