I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
