Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
