he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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