I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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