your parents love me but you hate me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
