she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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