Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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