I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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