Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
