My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
