I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
