Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
