it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Two words: blizzard sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
