Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
