i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
