I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't deserve a penis
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
