Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
