they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
