you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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