We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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