considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
